Do you ever wonder when you might actually feel like a grown-up? Do you think it might be after you buy your first car or house? Or get a credit card or checkbook? Maybe when you get married and have three dogs?
Nope. Still don’t. In fact, I generally feel like anyone who is taller than me is, by default, older than me. Which means the majority of the human population would be older than myself. IRREGARDLESS.
I’m 31. I thought I would be sad when I turned 30, but I was not. I rather enjoyed that birthday, actually. I mean, I was at a winery with my husband, wearing pants that fit me the same from 5 years prior. And that’s all that matters, right? RIGHT?
Maybe not. But here are some things I’ve learned along the way that I thought would be imperative to your overall mental well-being. Now, everything I write is complete and total fact. So there’s that.
1. Stop eating anything from McDonald’s. Nothing good comes from that place. Same goes for Hardees, Bojangles, and Captain D’s.
2. Glutens may or may not be of the devil. But for real, if you feel badly on a daily basis, there’s a good chance what you’re putting in your trap is causing those body-angries. What you put in is what you get out. You put junk in, you get junk out. AHEM.
3. Do what you like. Seriously! Don’t like your job? Find a new one. There’s NO REASON you should stay at a job you hate. It affects your everyday-ness. Do things you like. God gave you talents and gifts to use. So get after it.
4. Speaking of jobs, if you’re in a job interview, DON’T FORGET TO BRAG ON YOURSELF. Nobody else is going to do it for you. And in the same vein, you have to be willing to stick up for yourself, wherever you are.
5. Learn how to use a hammer. And keep one in your house, please. Even if you are not “handy”, you can hang a dang picture your dang self.
Also, not this hammer. But a secondary piece of advice: have a go-to dance move. You never know when you’ll be called in to the center of the circle and you’ll need something to do. Looking cute is no longer an option.
6. Change your own car air filters. This is a money-waster. Also, change your own windshield wipers. It takes less than 10 minutes, start to finish.
7. Recognize when you are at fault. And you will be. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. Be willing to admit when you’re a jerk and need to apologize. Also, there’s no need to be mean in order to get your way. You can be nice and kind to people and still get what you’re asking for. Mmmkay?
8. Tip well. Waiters have basically the worst job ever in the history of ever. And you have the opportunity to make their shift not so terrible. Just by saying “thank you”, “please”, and putting your money where your mouth is. Make someone else’s day better.
9. Learn how to write a sentence and communicate effectively. Very very few people nowadays are able to write a coherent sentence. LEARN THIS SKILL. It is a skill that requires practice. You will go far. Or at least people might think you’re somewhat intelligent.
10. Laugh when you think something is funny. Don’t be a silly old sillyhead surrounded by grouchies. Enjoy things!
11. When you fall in love, fall hard. Fall with your whole entire being, and let it overwhelm. Having J next to me, for my whole life, makes me invincible. I can do anything! I can run a marathon! (false. I cannot run a marathon.)
12. Tell people you love them. I mean, as long as you actually do love them. Otherwise, don’t. Things would just get awkward then.
13. Make things. With your hands. It’s pretty gratifying.
14. Don’t get all cheap when it comes to Photography. Hire the best for capturing images. Like Melissa. Hire Melissa. She does things like this. (More about this later. Promise.)
15. You don’t have to be friends with everybody. It’s okay for you to not get along with some people. And it’s okay for you to walk away from friendships that are hurtful. You must forgive, but it’s still okay to walk away.
16. Don’t drive like an idiot. There’s no need for crap like that. Also, don’t drive a motorcycle. It just never ends well.
17. Go to bed when you’re tired. Staying up late doesn’t make you cooler. Or maybe it does, but you should still just go to bed when you’re tired.
18. You don’t need the newest and best of everything. In fact, you should rarely pay full-price for anything. Except for sewing scissors, a good pair of running shoes, and underwear.
19. Speaking of underwear, buy quality stuff that fits you well. Nothing ruins your day faster than an ill-fitting pair of undies. Amiright?
20. Be nice. There’s not enough nice out there in the world.
So there you go. That’s everything that I’ve learned in my 31 years of existence. Or something like that. Mmkaybye.